


Diaries Are For Teenaged Girls

by ms_josephine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Closeted Dean Winchester, Epistolary, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mentions of the early days of the covid pandemic, Mutual Pining, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Profound Bond Gift Exchange: Quarantine & Chill (Supernatural), and they were roommates!, quarantine is boring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24836962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ms_josephine/pseuds/ms_josephine
Summary: With the pandemic worsening, it is decided that Castiel will stay with Dean to lessen any possible exposure to the coronavirus from his friend, roommate, and ER nurse, Meg. Dean thought he was over his crush on his best friend, but living with him again is bringing up buried feelings. What else can Dean do except write about it in his quarantine journal?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 117
Collections: ProfoundBond Exchange: Quarantine & Chill





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [surlybobbies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surlybobbies/gifts).



> Hello all! It's been a while since I've posted a story, but life has calmed again and my poor computer was getting lonely. This story is a gift for [surlybobbies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surlybobbies) and I hope she enjoys it!
> 
> This work is unbeta'd and all mistakes are my own (except for the ones in Dean's journal- those are all on him).

_Social Distancing- Day 3_

_Hey. I got the idea for a journal from facebook. I’ve already seen enough COVID memes in the last few days to last a lifetime, the garage is closed until further notice, and I don’t feel like playing modern warfare. Since there’s nothing better to do I figured a journal couldn’t hurt. And this is definitely not a diary. Diaries are for 13 year old girls to gush about their crushes. This is a journal to document an important event in history. So here goes._

_My name is Dean Winchester, 32 years old. I’m an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky women. Or frisky men. Maybe. Haven’t really done that with a guy yet. Kissed a few, but they weren’t… doesn’t matter._

_So not much has gone on the last few days. This whole COVID thing happened kind of quickly and then it seems like the world just… stopped. Everyone is home. The internet is crazy right now. Some people are already climbing up the wall, me included. Kind of. It’s honestly been kind of nice to spend some alone time and decompress._

_I do miss Sam, Eileen, and the girls though. Sam is my brother and he and his wife Eileen are high school sweethearts. They got married right after college and had the 2 most perfect children on the planet. Sam and Eileen normally drop the girls off on Saturday nights (which would have been yesterday). We hang a bit and they leave the girls with me for a date night. Cas usually comes over too. Mary and Maura are the only kids Cas is comfortable around (including Gabriel’s kids). When all 4 of us hang out, Cas drops a lot of the grump and acts like a kid himself. It’s awesome to see him so relaxed._

_Cas is my best friend. It wasn’t always that way. I barely knew him until our senior year of high school. That’s when he came out and not everyone was nice about it. Even the girl I was dating was nasty towards him and I couldn’t let that stand. He didn’t have many friends besides Meg and she was the only one willing to stay beside him once the bullying started. I stuck up for him a few times and we started hanging out. Me and Meg were never close but we learned to tolerate each other. She left after high school for a college in Florida and me and Cas ended up rooming together all through college and for a few years after. Meg came back 3 years ago after a hurricane destroyed her house. She moved in with Cas and still hasn’t left._

_Cas helped me figure out I was bi. A few years talking about guys he liked had me realizing a few things. Stuff made a lot more sense once I admitted some things to myself. Of course nobody is as gorgeous as Cas but I know he doesn’t feel the same. I wished he did for a long time but just because he likes guys doesn’t mean he likes me like that. I got over it. Mostly._

_Dammit. And just like that, I’m a 13 year old girl gushing about her crush. Fuck. Whatever. I’m not erasing it. I’m a grown man and I’m going to write whatever I want to write about. This is MY journal. Not like any else will see it. I like the ballet. I like binging on Dr. Sexy. Rhonda Hurley had me try on her panties and I kinda liked it. I’m still a little bit in love with Cas._

_It’s sorta nice to get some of this stuff off my chest. Very freeing. There might be something to this journaling thing._

_Anyway not much exciting happened today. I did get to deep clean my living room. And by clean I mean I got in all the corners, under the furniture, the baseboards, and got to do a scavenger hunt with my DVDs to get them all back in the right cases. I vacuumed my couch too and found an old piece of Halloween candy. I thought about throwing it out, but saved it in case I run low on food. Kidding… mostly._

_I also checked all the pens in my junk drawer to see which ones had dried out._

_Isolation is exciting._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 4_

_Went to the grocery store today. I’ve never felt guilty before for buying my usual amount of toilet paper. I also never noticed how often people clear their throats. I made that mistake near the deli counter and got the stink eye from a few people. And I realize that I was being paranoid but my first instinct was to leave the aisle when a little old lady let out a small cough. Had to consciously stop myself. The whole world changed so much so quickly._

_Talked to Cas for a while. Him and Meg have been fighting. She works as a nurse in the E.R. and she’s worried she may get him sick. She keeps insisting that one of them moves out while this virus is still a threat. If she does get sick, her and anyone she lives with will have to stay in quarantine. Cas thinks she’s being ridiculous. I agree with her. We never were very fond of each other, but we both love Cas and I know that he’s one of the only people (if not the only person) she actually cares about._

_That’s why when she called me a little while ago, I agreed to help convince Cas to move in here._

_Almost forgot. I also deep cleaned my kitchen (oven included) and baked a pie. I should probably make another pie if Cas decides to come stay._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 5_

_Cas moved in with me._

_It’s just temporary. Just until this whole pandemic calms down._

_It was shockingly easy to convince him. He fought Meg on this for days but gave in once I agreed with her and asked him to stay here. I guess he just had to hear it from another person._

_He got here last night and we spent most of the day hanging out on the couch. It felt nice planning out our week together again. Familiar. There’s not much we can do of course but we planned out our meals and set a chore schedule. Cas even agreed to help me declutter. I’m not much of a pack rat, but crap accumulates over the years._

_Cas eventually had to get some work done so I moved on to cleaning the bathroom. Found a few goodies that I forgot I had. I gotta see if I can convince Cas to do face masks with me after we start our puzzle tonight._

_I think that’s the gayest thing I’ve ever said._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 6_

_This puzzle will be the death of me. And screw Cas for bringing this monstrosity into my house._

_My skin feels incredible by the way._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 7_

_Started on my bedroom today. Found a box of crap I save from when I was Lisa. Felt weird looking through it. We were really good together once and Ben… I still love that kid._

_I know breaking up was for the best but I still miss how we were as a family. And now Lisa’s moved on. Saw on facebook that she married some guy last year. Hope he treats her and Ben right._

_Threw some of the stuff in that box away. Had to stop when I came across a Father’s Day card from Ben._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 9_

_Sorry my last entry was so gloomy. Spent yesterday in a funk. Cas pulled me out of it. He suggested an Indiana Jones marathon and this dork built a blanket fort in the living room for us to watch the movies in._

_We ended up getting super drunk (because why the hell not?) and spent the first 2 movies arguing over the “historical inaccuracies”. It’s tradition and something we used to do every few months back when we lived together. I don’t think we’ve watched those movies a single time where Cas didn’t start bitching. I really missed doin that kind of stuff with him._

_He passed out somewhere around the middle of The Last Crusade. Cas still looks so beautiful when he sleeps and I’d almost forgotten the sounds he makes (which get louder if he’s been drinking). It’s somewhere between a snore and a grunt and it’s the cutest thing. Sometimes he even screws up his face and I can just imagine someone in his dreams doing something stupid and being on the receiving end of that smitey look._

_I may have ignored the movie after that and just watched him (if Cas can do that crap, I can too!) and I also may have scooted close enough to feel his breath on my face before falling asleep._

_And hungover Cas is still one of the most adorable creatures on the planet._

_Yea… this living together is bringing back all kinds of feelings. Shit._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 10_

_I’m starting to understand why dogs sometimes try to make a break for it when the door opens. I’m so boooored….._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 11_

_Put on real pants today for the first time in over a week. We were in desperate need of groceries and even though we could have them delivered, I NEEDED to get out of the house. Our store has curbside pickup so I got our stuff and some groceries for Sam. Maura has asthma so Sam and Eileen are being super careful to stay away from people as much as possible._

_Cas came with me. He looked so good sitting in the front seat of Baby, singing along to Zep. It’s only been like 2 weeks, but it was nice seeing everyone. Sam has a nice big sliding glass door so we got to hang out and talk and sign through the glass for a bit. The girls go back and forth between speaking and signing and it’s so cute watching their hands move. They get very enthusiastic when telling stories and it still amazes me that a 6 and a 4 year old can sign so well._

_Cas’s sign language is so much better than mine. We went to the classes together back in college and I chat with Eileen more than he does, but his hand movements are much more fluid. Graceful. Over 10 years of signing regularly and I still stumble through the movements. At least Eileen can understand me most of the time._

_The girls drew us pictures. Maura says hers is a rainbow unicorn (I’ll take her word for it). Mary drew me and Cas standing next to the Impala and even managed to draw Cas into his trench coat. Both are now hanging on the fridge._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 13_

_Me and Cas got drunk again. I can’t handle liquor like I used to. I’m going back to sleep._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 14_

_Today was rough. The COVID numbers keep climbing and it’s so depressing to turn on the news. We keep seeing reports of overwhelmed hospitals and low medical supplies. Cas isn’t handling it too well. He’s really worried about Meg. I am too to be honest. We’ve never been close, but she’s a nice person when she wants to be and Cas loves her. She swears she’s fine, but she barely has time to talk to Cas these days and she sounds so tired. Cas keeps obsessively checking the news and looking at his phone for messages from her. I hate seeing him so stressed._

_I wish I could wrap him up in my arms and make everything better._

_I did have an idea of something that might help Meg and cheer Cas up. Hope he likes it._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 15_

_I stayed up all night baking 5 different types of cookies and some mini apple pies for the ER and ICU staff. I can’t wait to see Cas’s face when he finds out._

_Edit- He totally loved it._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 17_

_So when we dropped off the cookies and stuff to Meg, she told us the hospital is allowing them to wear cloth masks. Can you guess what we’ve been doing for the last 2 days? After a trip to Cas’s house to pick up his sewing machine and several bags of fabric from the craft store, we’ve made like 50 masks. Well… Cas has made 50 masks. We figured out pretty quick that I am no good with the sewing machine which means I got to do all the cutting while Cas got to fight with that stupid machine._

_Seriously?! How does he make that thing look so easy? The fabric just goes straight on through when he does it. Me? Mary could probably do a better job! Blindfolded! I’m pretty sure that thing just hates me. Whatever._

_Cas did find my struggling funny though, so I guess it was worth it to hear him laugh._

_~~~_

_Social Distancing- Day 18_

_There’s a quarantine concert tonight! Me and Cas had fun raiding the kitchen for some snacks to make. Managed to put together some salsa, a good crack dip, and a chicken bacon ranch casserole. Even though I’m bummed Sam can’t hang out like he normally would for something like this, I am happy that he’s not here to judge me for trying to fit bacon into as many dishes as possible. Cas gets it. He’s perfect._

_Part 2--- Meand CAs got suoper drunk. Hes suchn a goooooooooood singewr. his voice is os deep andw perfactt…. ughh i soujnd like a 13 yr old giirl again scejrw it. don’t care. thikn I still love him. Shit_


	2. Chapter 2

Social Distancing- Day 19

Castiel stares at the words on the screen. He didn’t mean to snoop, but when he opened Dean’s computer to look for a bookmarked page, the document was just… open.

 _“I still love him.”_ Those words caught his eye and it only took a few more seconds of reading to figure out that Dean was talking about him.

He shouldn’t read any more. He really shouldn’t. It’s such a horrible breach of Dean’s privacy… but… he has to know. He pined over Dean for years (who was he kidding, he never really stopped) before writing off the idea as a fantasy that would never come to pass. 

_“I still love him.”_ How long had Dean felt this way? No, he can’t read this. He should talk to Dean instead of going behind his back.

Castiel scoffs at the idea immediately. Dean talking about feelings? The pandemic will end before that happens. 

Could he ask Sam? He dismisses that plan just as quickly. No way Sam would have known about this and kept it to himself. He would never betray Dean’s trust, but he wouldn’t let him hide something like this for long either. As much as Dean would hate it, he would have given in eventually if only to make Sam happy (or to shut him up).

Castiel taps the counter while looking towards Dean’s bedroom door. Dean drank quite heavily the night before and since they’d been stuck inside, he’s been waking up closer to lunch on most days. It was only 10 AM, Castiel had plenty of time to read without getting caught. 

Besides, Dean hardly ever left his room without a shower first so there would be some warning before he came out.

And maybe those few sentences were just a huge misunderstanding and Dean really meant something else. He really should make sure before making this into a big deal.

Satisfied in his reasonings, Castiel scrolls to the beginning.

~~~

Dean wakes up with his head pounding. Maybe he should cut back on the drinking from now on. Not only do the hangovers suck, but he can tell that between the extra beer and snacks he’s had lately plus the decline in daily activity, he’s already put on a few pounds.

Ugh, he needs to take a piss and drink about a gallon of water. A glance at the clock shows that it’s earlier than usual, but maybe a nice greasy breakfast will help him feel better. He can always shower after cooking.

Dean uses the bathroom and throws on a clean(ish) shirt before shuffling down the hall. He can see Cas’s back from where he sits at the bar looking at—

Holy. Crap.

Cas is looking at his computer.

Specifically, Cas is looking at Dean’s dia- journal.

Shit. 

Maybe he didn’t read too much. Maybe—

He must have made some kind of noise because Cas turns to look at him.

He read it. Dean can see all over his face that he read it. His eyes are wide with shock at being caught and he definitely looks guilty. While they stare at each other, Dean has the thought that he should be angry over Cas going through his stuff, but that just doesn’t seem as important compared to the dread that’s slowly settling in the pit of his stomach. 

So this is it. This is how their friendship ends. Cas is going to freak out about how Dean’s been perving on him for years and want nothing more to do with him.

Why the hell did he write all of that?! Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

“Dean…” Cas looks like he wants to say more, but aside from opening and closing his mouth a few times, nothing else comes out.

Dean crosses his arms to fight the slight tremble he can feel starting in his hands. “So… how much of that did you, uh, you know… see?”

Cas turns to face him more fully. He licks those beautiful lips nervously. “Pretty much all of it.”

Dammit. “Right. Um… that was kind of private.”

Cas nods slowly. “I realize that. I’m- I’m sorry for violating your trust. I just wanted to check something and the document was just… there.” He dips his head and starts picking at his fingernails. 

The thought of losing Cas makes him feel sick. Maybe he can still salvage this. “’M sorry if readin all that made you feel uncomfortable. We can just keep being friends and nothin has to change, I promise.”

Cas jerks his head up. “What?”

Panic shoots through him. Cas doesn’t want to be friends anymore. “Please, Cas. Please just try to forget you saw any of that. You’re my best friend. You’re one of the most important people in my life. Please can we stay friends? I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. And if I do, just tell me and I’ll stop. Just don’t--”

“Dean.” Cas cuts him off and stands. “I don’t think I can forget reading this.”

Dean feels his eyes sting. He’s not going to cry. He can’t make Cas feel guilty like that when it’s Dean’s fault that their friendship is falling apart. He rubs a hand down his face and blinks quickly before dropping his gaze to the floor. “Oh.”

“I wouldn’t want to forget something like this.”

Twist the knife why don’t you? “Ok.”

“It’s too big, Dean.”

“I get it.”

“It’s too important. Too wonderful.”

“Yea, I kno—” Wait… what?

He whips his head up and Cas is right there. He’s close enough to touch and staring at Dean intently. He looks nervous as hell, but determined. Dean notices movement and looks down in time to see Cas’s hand reach slowly towards his own. Dean takes a shuddering breath and lets his fists unclench. Their fingers tangle together and Cas feels so warm, so perfect. He feels like he’s always belonged there. Cas’s thumb grazes the back of his hand and he gives the rest of Dean’s fingers a gentle squeeze. 

He meets Cas’s eyes and the joy he sees there has him tearing up all over again. “Dean. Sweet, beautiful, incredible Dean. How could you possibly think I would ever leave you?”

Dean huffs in relief. He can hardly believe this is happening. Then again, maybe he’s still dreaming. Better enjoy it while he can. “You know me. Just bursting with self-esteem.”

Cas’s other hand comes to rest gently on his cheek. “Yes. I’m going to have to help you work on that.”

Oh, that feels so good. Dean melts into the touch. “Could take years.”

“Then I suppose you’ll be stuck with me for a while.”

Dean brings his free hand up to grip Cas’s hip and draw him closer. “How will we pass the time?”

Cas smirks. “I may have a few ideas.”

Eventually, the pandemic ends. Castiel never moves back in with Meg.


End file.
